All the time.

You've been good, busier than ever.

I miss how happy I was before. How energetic I was during those time where I talk a lot with them guys. How accepting I was after being rejected for a love that grows. It was bright that day, like nothing was going to let me down. And having my beloved friend who stand by my side and laugh and get annoyed with me together. No matter what bother us.

I really miss that. 

It's not something that you can easily turn back your time. And it was not like before. Everyday is not like before. Realizing that two guys were just sitting there and don't turn back their face anymore. And another him was seeing something that was beautiful for himself. And she who I cannot even see her vividly to talk on a new day.

I was crying inside, and I am no longer a happiest girl anymore. Maybe, one day, I will accept this and be happy again. 

End

"Where should I start?

Oh yes, instagram first. It has been a few days I was offline."

I was waiting for the picture to load one by one. And then, one picture made me stunned for a moment of silence. Deep silence in the midnight.

I don't even know how to describe it. I was totally feeling sucked. Then I locked my phone and closed my eyes while covering my body with my warmest blanket.

It was calm, then I slowly erased him from my wonderwall.

Exhausting days has start

I was really lazyyy, my sem break has ended. Now, back to my routine, I have to wake up early go bath and study and went back again around 4 or 5 pm.

It's tiring but I love to study somehow because I'm a curious person.

And I need to finish my assignment lab report and so on (so many to list)

I can see from your eyes

How pitiful was it to keep demanding for something that you know you will never own.

I was afraid to face this reality although I have gone through much

I have like someone (not one but so many) and I've never get even one of them. Come on, please laugh at me

My heart was describe like "It's rotten man. You should free it." But free is what you can't even control. You keep going everywhere you want because you want to feel how was it being in another place. That's how I describe my heart.

Sometimes, love it's not what I seek for. I am a normal person that always feel that I need attention and people to think about how I feel. How pathetic I was.

I am grateful somehow to be me, because at a point even I was hurt. I was scared, people always take me as a good girl. Then, I realize I only know how to be a good girl and I can only be a victim. Always.

What is inside our feelings?

Damasio: In everyday language we often use the terms interchangeably. This shows how closely connected emotions are with feelings. But for neuroscience, emotions are more or less the complex reactions the body has to certain stimuli. When we are afraid of something, our hearts begin to race, our mouths become dry, our skin turns pale and our muscles contract. This emotional reaction occurs automatically and unconsciously. Feelings occur after we become aware in our brain of such physical changes; only then do we experience the feeling of fear.

But previous studies have found marked changes in bodily sensations in mood disorders, Nummenmaa says. "For instance, with depression sometimes people have pain in their chest."

And there's even some evidence that when you change your own body language — like your posture or stance — you can alter your mind.


To be honest, I was confused with my own self. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now, later and so on. And I'm a bit worried because i had a bit pain in right side of my chest(i-think-i-had-indigestion).

So, I will start with anger first, the most hard feeling to deal with. Anger is something that out of our control. It can be really dangerous especially for patient people. They might kill you. LOL kidding. Beware of this feeling. I'm the type of anger that will push everything by my hands and don't even care it will be broke or what.

Sometimes, I just shut my mouth because any curse can be released from my mouth.

Sadness is the inside pain that you have to endure. Feeling like your heart was throbbed without anyone notice. How do I handle sadness?
Well said, I choose to forget and appreciating what I have now. It's not like you forget everything, it was about the willingness.

I

"I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry."

- Unknown

There is the moment when you are grateful for those memory that hurts you has make you become a stronger person than you ever thought.